sabotage

personal sabotage....ever done it? i caught myself in the midst of it this past weekend....

i was invited to a small gathering, where i really didn't know many people. it was slightly awkward as i was there by myself, but i still felt content and calm in the situation. as the event began to progress, i even remember taking a moment to thank God for the contentment i felt being there by myself.

and then it hit me....

i was there by myself.

so all this peace and comfort that God was giving to me, i began to turn it into something more.

i was sabotaging myself.

here God is controlling the situation, calming my heart, providing me with unlimited reassurance....
and i sabotage it.
my self-talk begins, uneasy feelings creep up inside of me, and the peace quickly slips away.

once again, it's me fighting God for control and

He's
not
going
to
fight
back