birthdays

fact: i am not a fan of celebrating my own birthday.

and i'm sure there's some deep, psychological reason associated with it too, because isn't there always???

i'm much more comfortable being outside of the spot light than in it.
i would much rather work on surprising someone else, then have a surprise myself.
call it a lack of control, call it whatever you'd like.
it's just the way it is.

so, i've decided that tomorrow, i'm going to let my guard down and face my birthday head on....

i'm going to willingly and graciously accept the love, words of admiration, and caring thoughts.

and if i embrace the day and go into it with a positive attitude, i just might have positive results.

because truly, what do i have to loose?
....when there is so much that can be gained...

answered prayer vs unanswered prayer

many people pray to be led to that special person, the one that they feel just might make their life complete. it has been a prayer request for many i know. God recently answered that prayer for my friend.

today, i will go to a bridal shower for a friend who will get married next month. this has been an incredibly fast journey for her, as she just met this man a few months ago.

she knows it's right,
he knows it's right,
and they know God has joined them and created this,
His answer to their prayers.

and it makes me smile to see such joy and elation on my friend's face, knowing that she will soon exchange vows with the man of her dreams (literally, but that's another blog entry).

she has received an answer to her prayer, praise the Lord!

but what do you do with those times/events when you don't receive the answer you're looking for or wanting?

do you launch into a solo of garth brook's "unanswered prayers"?

because, yes, sometimes i do thank God for those unanswered prayers....even when in the moment of it all, i desperately want it to go another way.

other times, i get angry for things not going the way i for see them to go....which is the control factor that i need to ease myself out of.

and through it all, God knows exactly which way it should go, even if it doesn't make sense to me in the here and now.

restless at night

last night i was reading about mother teresa before i went to bed. the routine of reading before bed is normal for me, as it's relaxing. normally, i can only get through a few pages before dozing off. i was hoping that reading last night would quiet my thoughts and help me drift off to sleep, as usual.

instead, it did the opposite.

i was laying in bed and all of a sudden....
thoughts,
ideas,
and pictures
of what i read kept firing off in my head.

the more i tried to settle them, the more difficult it became as i fought against them.

have you ever read something like that....and it started to transform you....instantly?

i know and believe that God is working during those times