phew, if i had a nickel for every time i justified my behavior lately i would be a rich woman.
rich i tell you.
i behave a certain way (generally sinful) and then have an immediate bout of justifying it. it's become an automatic response.
a
stupid
sinful
automatic
response
and i wonder, who am i justifying my behavior for?
me?
others?
God?
God already knows what i'm doing and what i'm up to.
let's just be honest, He doesn't need my excuses.
so why do i feel it necessary to provide myself (and others) with the excuses?
wouldn't it be easier to just change the behavior?
maybe acknowledging it is the first step to changing it.
18 December 2011
30 October 2011
precursor
today i heard the quote that "pain is the precursor to change" and i've been thinking about it thought the day.
it occurred to me that when you workout, pain can be involved and generally it is a precursor to a change in your body.
simple enough.
easy to understand.
but what about spiritual pain?
or what about emotional pain?
is pain like that still a precursor to change?
i think if it were easy to change, more people would regularly do it. heck, i would change more often. yet, it's the pain that hold people back...it holds me back.
i know sometimes i have to realize that i'm worth the fight and need to fight through the pain because the change is generally better than what's being experienced right now.
so, what painful precursor are you experiencing right now?
what change is coming in your life?
it occurred to me that when you workout, pain can be involved and generally it is a precursor to a change in your body.
simple enough.
easy to understand.
but what about spiritual pain?
or what about emotional pain?
is pain like that still a precursor to change?
i think if it were easy to change, more people would regularly do it. heck, i would change more often. yet, it's the pain that hold people back...it holds me back.
i know sometimes i have to realize that i'm worth the fight and need to fight through the pain because the change is generally better than what's being experienced right now.
so, what painful precursor are you experiencing right now?
what change is coming in your life?
16 October 2011
courage
sometimes i think that i don't have enough courage within myself,
to do something that i should,
to stand up for the right thing.
and why the doubt?
because it's easy and comfortable.
yet, when i tap into it,
it's an empowering thing.
it shows me what i'm capable of,
what i have been entrusted to do,
i need to be more courageous more often,
to break free from the expected.
to do something that i should,
to stand up for the right thing.
and why the doubt?
because it's easy and comfortable.
yet, when i tap into it,
it's an empowering thing.
it shows me what i'm capable of,
what i have been entrusted to do,
i need to be more courageous more often,
to break free from the expected.
15 October 2011
a convo with God
the other night i had a conversation with God.
as i began talking with God, i called out to Him.
He readily responded with, "yes, beth."
it was as if He was waiting for me.
is that possible?
and as i tried to explain myself to God,
He replied with, "yes, beth, i know."
there was no guilt or shame in His voice.
just complete understanding and grace.
and as quickly as the conversation started,
it was over.
i tried to hold onto the moment,
the time together,
the conversation.
and now a few days later,
i can only remember certain parts.
the part that gives me peace is that He was there,
right when i needed it.
He heard my call
and answered it.
as i began talking with God, i called out to Him.
He readily responded with, "yes, beth."
it was as if He was waiting for me.
is that possible?
and as i tried to explain myself to God,
He replied with, "yes, beth, i know."
there was no guilt or shame in His voice.
just complete understanding and grace.
and as quickly as the conversation started,
it was over.
i tried to hold onto the moment,
the time together,
the conversation.
and now a few days later,
i can only remember certain parts.
the part that gives me peace is that He was there,
right when i needed it.
He heard my call
and answered it.
06 October 2011
a compliment
the other day, one of my middle schoolers said to me,
"when you smile and my head is down, i can hear how happy you are in your voice."
it was the sweetest,
most genuine
statement.
it felt like a hallmark card was just given to me,
wrapped up in the voice of a preteen.
i don't know if she'll ever know the impact she made on me.
and i think it's amazing how a simple compliment
cannot only influence your day,
but even the days to come.
"when you smile and my head is down, i can hear how happy you are in your voice."
it was the sweetest,
most genuine
statement.
it felt like a hallmark card was just given to me,
wrapped up in the voice of a preteen.
i don't know if she'll ever know the impact she made on me.
and i think it's amazing how a simple compliment
cannot only influence your day,
but even the days to come.
04 October 2011
weeds
weeds could seriously be my demise. they seem to grow exponentially in a matter of hours. and why?
to irritate me?
to make me work in the soil and get dirt under my fingernails?
to allow me to wear stylish gardening gloves?
as i'm outside this afternoon, spending time tilling the soil and pulling weeds i started to think about God.
it was quiet,
calm,
and peaceful.
and i started to watch my hands as they were pulling out the weeds.
the small ground cover.
the tall ones disguising themselves as grass or flowers.
ones with strong roots.
ones with weak roots.
then i began to wonder if this is how God feels about clearing out my life.
He pulls away the small ground cover of sin.
He takes away the tall sins disguising themselves.
He tugs on the sins with strong roots, grabbing what He can
..and sometimes there are roots left behind
because i just can't let them all go.
He pushes aside the sins with weak roots.
and i thought about how God has to come back into my life,
time after time,
to clear away my weeds.
some weeds unfortunately never get totally cleared away,
while others are gone, never grow again in my life.
and it's not because God added some magical weed killer to it.
it's because when i give it to God, He takes care of it.
and when i hold onto those roots,
God will come back with His gardening gloves on and try again,
taking with Him what He can.
because just like my garden area, i'm a work in progress
to irritate me?
to make me work in the soil and get dirt under my fingernails?
to allow me to wear stylish gardening gloves?
as i'm outside this afternoon, spending time tilling the soil and pulling weeds i started to think about God.
it was quiet,
calm,
and peaceful.
and i started to watch my hands as they were pulling out the weeds.
the small ground cover.
the tall ones disguising themselves as grass or flowers.
ones with strong roots.
ones with weak roots.
then i began to wonder if this is how God feels about clearing out my life.
He pulls away the small ground cover of sin.
He takes away the tall sins disguising themselves.
He tugs on the sins with strong roots, grabbing what He can
..and sometimes there are roots left behind
because i just can't let them all go.
He pushes aside the sins with weak roots.
and i thought about how God has to come back into my life,
time after time,
to clear away my weeds.
some weeds unfortunately never get totally cleared away,
while others are gone, never grow again in my life.
and it's not because God added some magical weed killer to it.
it's because when i give it to God, He takes care of it.
and when i hold onto those roots,
God will come back with His gardening gloves on and try again,
taking with Him what He can.
because just like my garden area, i'm a work in progress
03 October 2011
fear
what do you do with fear?
for me, there's not an easy answer.
because if you're the one dealing with it, you know how it feels to be a prisoner of that fear.
it holds you in chains.
binds you.
controls the way you function and relate to others.
affects the decisions that you make.
and it just there...
fear
and so what do you do?
you can let the fear control you. the cycle remains and just keeps repeating itself because there's nothing different to break the pattern. and the fear is content, uninterrupted, and comfortable.
but you're still stuck with this fear...
...or you can realize that it's time to do something about it.
as difficult as it is to make a slight change.
to take a chance.
to possibly risk it all.
and you pray
you pray for courage.
the courage to give your fear over to God.
the courage to set fear aside and step out of your comfort zone.
courage to know that you don't have to live in bondage; to know that there is a plan and purpose for you and your life.
and you can be free.
for me, there's not an easy answer.
because if you're the one dealing with it, you know how it feels to be a prisoner of that fear.
it holds you in chains.
binds you.
controls the way you function and relate to others.
affects the decisions that you make.
and it just there...
fear
and so what do you do?
you can let the fear control you. the cycle remains and just keeps repeating itself because there's nothing different to break the pattern. and the fear is content, uninterrupted, and comfortable.
but you're still stuck with this fear...
...or you can realize that it's time to do something about it.
as difficult as it is to make a slight change.
to take a chance.
to possibly risk it all.
and you pray
you pray for courage.
the courage to give your fear over to God.
the courage to set fear aside and step out of your comfort zone.
courage to know that you don't have to live in bondage; to know that there is a plan and purpose for you and your life.
and you can be free.
21 September 2011
ocean waves
have you ever noticed how ocean waves, when the repeated come ashore seem to polish rocks to something that's silky smooth? it's those rocks that you love to run your fingers over because of how the ocean has transformed them.
last night as i was laying in bed, listening to my noise machine that has ocean waves, talking with God, i began to feel this process...the process that God is doing the same to me as He does to the rocks in the ocean.
the wave comes in and washes over the rocks and sand, ever so gently. it pulls back pieces of sand and other debre. it's that repeatative motion of the waves coming in and out that help.
He is polishing me into something better, something more desirable for His kingdom.
19 September 2011
grace
today i was asked, how would you define grace?
after some time and thought, i decided that...
grace is knowing you get to try again tomorrow.
so now i ask you, how would you define grace?
after some time and thought, i decided that...
grace is knowing you get to try again tomorrow.
so now i ask you, how would you define grace?
18 September 2011
psalm 46:10
"be still, and know that I am God." psalm 46:10
today, i was out picking up a new book and ended up buying a pen with this bible verse on it. it was perfect because it's currently one of my favorite bible verses. and the pen is black, so it was obviously made for me.
on a serious note though, this bible verse is something i personally struggle with. and i'm not talking in a minute way. you see, i can't get past the first two words.
be still
be still
be still
how exactly does one do that?
be still
to stop and breathe.
relax and listen.
sometimes, i think that the only time i can "be still" is when i'm in meditation mode at yoga... and even, then i don't think i'm completely still.
relax and listen.
sometimes, i think that the only time i can "be still" is when i'm in meditation mode at yoga... and even, then i don't think i'm completely still.
and maybe that's the point of this being on my heart today and popping up on a pen for me to see.
i can begin focus on being still.
and maybe, just maybe that will help me to know God
16 January 2011
a pink polar fleece vest
recently, i bought a polar fleece pink vest. i know, it's mind-boggling to think that i purchased something other than black. when i first got it, i wanted to wear it all the time...seriously! it was cozy, warm, a new, bright color for me, and went well with black. man, it was just something i really enjoyed. plus, i got a great deal on it, which made me want to wear it even more. it was as though i reverted back to being a kid when i got a new shirt and wanted to wear it all the time.
do you remember doing that?
then i began to think how my relationship with Jesus can be like that pink, polar fleece vest.
at least for me, there are times when i can't get enough of Jesus. i want to spend as much time as possible with Him, listening to Him, praising Him, being with Him. and it's just like when i got that new vest. i couldn't get enough of it.
gradually though, my thrill of the pink vest will be replaced with something else, as seasons change and something new will catch my attention. the vest will be moved into my closet and maybe even pushed to the back from time to time. i know that's it's there and not going anywhere. it will be there when i want to wear it again.
and truth be told, the same will happen in my relationship with Jesus.
something new takes me away from Jesus.
and i take comfort (and too much confidence) in knowing that He'll always be there,
even when He's buried in the back of my closet with the vest.
do you remember doing that?
then i began to think how my relationship with Jesus can be like that pink, polar fleece vest.
at least for me, there are times when i can't get enough of Jesus. i want to spend as much time as possible with Him, listening to Him, praising Him, being with Him. and it's just like when i got that new vest. i couldn't get enough of it.
gradually though, my thrill of the pink vest will be replaced with something else, as seasons change and something new will catch my attention. the vest will be moved into my closet and maybe even pushed to the back from time to time. i know that's it's there and not going anywhere. it will be there when i want to wear it again.
and truth be told, the same will happen in my relationship with Jesus.
something new takes me away from Jesus.
and i take comfort (and too much confidence) in knowing that He'll always be there,
even when He's buried in the back of my closet with the vest.
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