walls

yesterday, i was listening to the radio and 'healing begins' by tenth avenue north came on. if you haven't heard this song before, listen to it. the message behind it is clear. and this got me thinking....

i have been a master builder of walls.

truly, i should be in the construction business because i consider myself an expert at building them. let me just tell you that i can lay bricks and mortar like none other! i mean, there are no gaps in my construction of walls, no cracks, no little spots where you can peak through. the big bad wolf would even have a hard time huffing and puffing trying to blow my walls down.

but what good are walls?

beauty

have you ever met someone who has the ability to project beauty from the inside out and not even realize it? now i'm not talking that they wear designer clothes or even were/are part of the cool kids. what i'm talking about is that they know God so deeply and have a certain understanding about Him...so much so that i can't at times wrap my head around it. they love themselves so much, not in a conceded way; yet it allows them to be loved by God and others. and they are able radiate this beauty that God has planted deep within them to everyone that they meet.

i know someone like that.

she lets beauty shine.

seasons

i know the holidays can be a time of reflection, a mile marker in your life; as it's easier to be reflective on holidays as opposed to let's say the third wednesday of every month. periods of reflection are good as life seems to have seasons associated with it, joyful seasons, sorrowful seasons, seasons of change, seasons of hardships, days when everything is going right, days when nothing can seem to go right. doesn't this begin to remind you of ecclesiastes 3:1-8.....?

so over the past few days, i've spent a little time each day thinking about this past year. and to be honest, i feel like i have been in a storm for the past year, not one marked by some great tragedy. truly, it was many different life situations, that when they were all added up it felt like a hurricane was repeatedly beating me down. and as i was in the eye of the storm, it felt like those were the days that were difficult to endure. the overwhelming pressure of it all, not knowing which way to turn or who to seek advice from. it was during some of those days that i would heavily lean upon God and feel as close to Him as possible, while during other days i would try and manage on my own. as david cried out in the book of psalm, i would too wonder when this would be over. when would this storm pass? and for some reason, i knew it would take about a year. call it a gut reaction or a God thing. either way, i just knew.

so it's been about a year and now the storm is beginning to blow away.

and some might ask, how do you know it's over? let me be clear, the storm isn't over because the year is officially up and God was there watching a calendar. and it's definitely not over because i did something right to earn God's favor. when it really comes down to it, i can't specifically say how i know. it's just this feeling i have in my heart and even in the pit of my stomach signaling to me that everything is going to be alright. call it faith, call it trust, call it whatever you'd like.

what i do know is this...i know that i have a new peace about me that wasn't there two or three weeks ago. it is this gradual feeling of peace that has begun to wash over me and i'm allowing it to. i'm choosing to feel this peace and tranquility, to let the storm pass and not hold onto the past year.